I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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