I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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