call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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