i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
