Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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