I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
