i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
