i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
