i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
