She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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