i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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