So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
