Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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