piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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