just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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