i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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