Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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