I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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