I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
