if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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