and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
