I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
