I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
