I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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