i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Less talking, more tequila
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
be right there i have to get my cape
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
