so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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