i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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