Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
