Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
