I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
