somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
