Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
