I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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