I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The uberlube is also flammable
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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