in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
