Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My cat gives me a boner
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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