oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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