the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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