every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
