Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
