I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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