**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
