Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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