I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
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just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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