we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
did i walk over a car last night?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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