I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
