i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
