hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Randomize
