I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
