1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
