I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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