I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
