I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
well you can't waste a boner
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
