They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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