Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
