My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
