Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
