Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
two words...techno handjob
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
