Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm getting married
To pizza
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
