Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
