Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
