new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
