Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
