I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
