hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
