those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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