I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
