I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
