Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
