maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
