I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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