Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
